Stress!! Wedding!!

Today is the day that prince willam & kate has their firaytale story wedding, then suddenly i realize that i haven do any planning for mine... I felt so stress and i find that wedding not just harry & me, actully invole lots of people and lots of extra mouth.. super stress and boring!!

A new year & a new start in my life..

A new year had began, now is already 2011 time really past fast in 2010. After my op it seems that there’s lots of thing had changed in my life. I stop blogging even stop laugh & happy like before. I don’t know why? Maybe this op really affect me a lot be it is work, family or life. Totally changed, change my behavior toward everything and I know people around is trying very hard to please me esp Harry. I really don’t know how to express myself like before, I use to be a gal that nothing I’m afraid of & always happy go lucky but now my life is just suck. I want the old Wendy to come back? Can I? I want to have a good start in a good year; I want all my pain to go away from me. Lately I’m always so unhappy coz I always felt that people around me don’t understand my pain don’t understand how much I been thru. And I easier throwing out my temper like mad woman and I even lay hand on my hubby. Everyday in my life I just act happy and don wan people around me to worry but I’m not happy deep inside me. I hate my life now, I hate e pain & I hate eating medicine again and again and yet not recover. Since I was a little gal, I had never depended on anyone never even my family. I’m always who I am and now I need others to take care of me. I feel like shit damn shit. Hubby been telling me tat sad days will get over soon and I’m waiting I’m always waiting. But it seen tat sun just don’t wan to shine on me. After ah ma left my emo get worse I don’t know why, maybe from young I’m always e naughty wan tat she always scold and nag & I use to hate her so much but when I grow older I realize she is so old and why am I still fighting with her? But everything is just too late, so I feel tat life is really short and I wan to live in my way. But I’m always cannot choose e path I wan to be. My wish is to be a good housewife and good mother but now, I can’t even do any housework and let my MIL did it for me. And always heard her complaining this and that, I felt so stressful. I wan to be happy; I wan to be Wendy Tan once again. Praying hard that god will give me a chance to live happy with my love ones.
I know I’m lucky to have Harry & Sherina with me; they had never leaved me since day 1 of my darkness… After today I must really let go of ah ma and stop emo-ing and live happy with people tat still alive beside me. And start planning for my wedding dinner.. Wendy Tan jiayou jiayou!!!

Dessert @ Bedok

I'm having dessert at Bedok alone as I'm meeting hubby here & he is late. When I saw e stall selling black glutinous rice let me think of ah Ma. This is e last thing we had together at CGH b4 her op & is e last thing we do together. And I also promise her that I will buy for her again but no more.. I reali her so much & I never expected that I could miss her so much when she is gone.. It's really a mistake to ask her do this op? If she don do it maybe we still have chance to stay by her side?

Everything has a side of story.

I'm now in train, on my way back to office. Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me coz I quarrel with hubby badly, dental side oso bad coz gum inflamation then night miss my dinner appt. When I was in e dental waiting for my turn hubby came, we settle everything once & for all and I told him how unhappy am I all tis while. And he say thing will be beta wan & he promise. Sometime I reali don't know whether should stay or leave? I had failed once & I don't wan thing repeat again & again. I don't need a husband to be rich or handsome, I just need someone that can love & care for me. A person that can lend me a shoulder when I need.
Lately many thing unhappy happen around me, 1st my op then ah Ma pass away follow by staying with MIL so difficult. At least I reali feel like giving everything coz no matter how much I do for his family, his mum will never appreciated. Coz she is always right & she only believe on her own, no matter how nice I treat her oso no use. She always act like a queen at home, she say yes and no one can say no. Sometime I'm reali tired, I reali hope that hubby can give me full support

My mood now...

Today I'm super angry with Harry, I have never throw my temper so bad b4 in front of him for a long long time. I hate it when I'm sharing how I feel & he keep saying that I'm nagging. When I'm unhappy who can I go to? Husband/ mum/ friends or doctor? If I'm a marry woman, it's ok that I speak to my husband & complaint how I feel of what I see?? At this point I can say is no one, as I share with my husband about how I feel about his mum. He always say that I'm full of complaint & never a day I'm happy with her but he say about my bro. He even say thing very bad or very cb about him, I also stay cool to reply his words. Today is e worse day that I reali throw out all at e time & I just run away from him in e middle of e road. I reali cannot take it e way he say me. I can endure anything rubbish from his family but e only thing I can't stand is my husband say I nag & want me to stop. I reali feel that I want to be alone. I want to end all this, maybe is me prob is all me.. I cannot live with other people.. Should I stay alone??

Emo Friday

This afternoon I was quite emo as I was viewing my folder and I found pic that took with ah Ma during CNY, suddenly I realize that next year CNY won't have her around us and no more nagging. Don't know after ah Ma left, my mood always went up & down. And I know Hubby is trying very hard to please me & make me feel comfortable. Just like yesterday we went TM to shop for dress & shoes for his company PMAS dinner, I don't know what I want and I keep walking around till I very Pek cek. Hubby knew that I can't wear heels & I'm sad over it so he bought me a new pair of flat shoes from Pazzion just for this dinner. Reali grateful to have him around me.
And e dinner tonite is a casino theme, so we both wore black & just nice e hotel we went tonite is e hotel we view on thurs for our wedding dinner next year. So everything is just very nice we go and look at e ballroom & food tasting too. After e dinner hubby, Ronson & Gavin acc me go Bar None meet Sherina as we wanted to see Aila perform. After party we went 201 supper, I know hubby trying to acc me for outing so that I won't think so much at home. But now again I can't sleep, I reali don't know when I can fully recover with this. I miss u & I know nothing can change, what had happen already happen.. I'm trying & trying!!

Alvin going to UK

I had juz send my bro Alvin to airport as he is going to uk to meet his gf, I'm happy for him that he grew up & want to see outside world but yet I'm worry too as uk side is actuli quite messy place. I told him not to party at nite coz i'm scare that he might course trouble.
Today Hubby brought me to TM for dinner and a walk, lately Hubby keep saying that I'm EMO coz of ah Ma. And I know he is trying hard to pls me & make me happy, he even brought me for movie on a Sunday night which he normally don't do it coz Monday he got to work.I reali do thank him for his acc, he is nice but my heart juz can't stop thinking of ah Ma. Everything is too sudden, I always recall her last look before she die. I reali do apprecaite those who had attend or care for my ah Ma's wake & thanks for respecting her. She is someone important to me coz my dad is gone and now i left with nothing now. I hope that cousin would keep in touch with me even ah Ma is not around.
Now my only wish is to settle my wedding dinner as I had to postpone my date & got a hotel I wan, I wan all my aunties & uncles to give me blessing. And I believe ah Ma will do so too..