Mother's feeling

Today is Friday already, finally is e words that I can say it now as after I started working I feel that weekend is so precious. Last time I won’t have this kind of mood as everyday is Friday to me and everyday is like holiday to me. Lately I’m so miserable coz of Erina, of her behavior and what she had always told me and lately I saw what happen to Weiliang & Kelyn also make my heart ache. Which mother would’t want to be with their child? Every mother loves their own child be it whether they are disobedient or not, unhealthy or not it will always be their beloved daughter or son.
Every time when I think of Erina have to live with those people I abhorrence most, I feel damn burn up. The feeling is like I wanted to tell her the truth what actually had happen in the past, how much hurt I had gone thru. Now all I wan is my gal is happy but it seem that Nick’s mum is giving me lots of problem by not teaching my gal e right way and give her a comfy life, during this school holiday Nick’s mum keep bringing her to play MJ and leave her alone at people house without anyone care about her. Sometime I really felt so sad that why I had left her 6years ago, I should bring her along with me even thou I cant afford her coz I believe that this is a wheel this is way. But I failed... Maybe I’m just too egotistic at the point of time, I just want freedom. And right now I hurt a little girl’s feeling. If god could give me another chance to choose, I will take her away and live with me. And I really hope that this one fine day will come and Harry could treat her like her own then we can live happily together and I can shower her with loves.

If time could turn back, I will want to hold you in my arms.

June 2010

Father's Day Dinner @ Vivo City, Louis King Grill & Bar.My Darling June Holiday Hip Hop Dancing Class.

Finally I got time to blog and upload picture, as I have been working since 1st June at my so call cousin Guifa’s cleaning company. Life has changed a lot as I couldn’t nap in the afternoon and I couldn’t watch all my HK series, when I decided to go out and work nobody trust that I can make it coz they find that I have been tai tai for years but life is abit bored and meaningless. For my age people outside earning good money and have their career and yet I have nothing coz I too depend on my husband and I think it is not a good thing coz my 1st marriage I also too depend on my partner and then when we were apart I’m so lost.. No money no career doesn’t know where to go and how to start a new life it was so scary and I don’t want it to happen again. At least now I start working, I can buy thing I like without asking money from my hubby and I could bring my mum and daughter anywhere I want. And I can use my own money to buy gift to my hubby, this is the happier thing coz every time when I bought something for him, I feel that it wasn’t from me coz after all is his money the money that he gave me. At least now I earn a little but I’m happy with it and I plan to bring him for a short trip on my 1st paid…

In this June lots of thing had happen, joyful, heartbreaking & tired. Joyful that I finally step out and work and people give me chance to learn.
Heartbreaking because of my daughter Erina, wanted to find good tutor for during June holiday and yet she refused and her dad wasn’t encouraging too. And this month Erina & I had argument for more then a time, in this 7years I had never beat or scold her, I always try to give her e greatest I can and buy her thing tat she like but now she had changed she often shout at me like nobody business make me feel damn angry and I even tears. Feel so heart pain when she did that to me as I told myself I want to be a good mother a mother that can share everything under the sun with children.
But being a mother is really not easy and now I really can feel how much my mum been thru when I was a badly behaved child.
I still remember last week I bought to Vivo for movie and I show her Sentosa Universal Studio and I told that I want to bring her there suddenly she say I don’t want to go coz my ah ma and lau yi say cannot go there coz will lost money and then I say aiyo baby, mummy means go Universal have fun not casino le. Then she says NO and shouts, I was so irritated and I scolded her and she walk away. So then I bring her aside and talking and she started crying and crying, she started ask me why me & her dad will be apart. I really feel like telling her e true but I hold back coz I know that she is too young to know what actual happen and I don’t want her to live in their roof and yet miserable. So I tell her no matter what others had to u about mummy, I hope u can use your heart and eyes to see and feel what type of person is your mummy. I told that I know you’re ah ma and all e lau yi’s sure talk bad about me and she say yes, I say; don’t mind what people say about me is not important to me most important is that u must trust me and be a good gal.
She hold my hand and keep crying, sometime I really feel so regrets that why I have leave her there I should fight with them to take her back. Praying hard that one day I really can bring her back by my side and hoping that hubby and his family can allow her to join in.

Hope I wish I can slap his mother & to those people had, salt & pepper in front of a 7years kid... I HATE THEM!!!

MAY!!!

This is what had happen in my MAY, busy with lots of event and gathering & had lots fun.
1st was my younger bro Alvin & Mum's birthday party at downtown east chalet.
2nd was our 1st driving up trip to Genting with my cousin Gavin.
3rd was hubby's birthday dinners & party.

Sound normal to you maybe but it seem very busy for me.. Haha
And i'm starting work soon it real soon on 1st June at my cousin office..


Dinners with Dad & Lim's family.

Hubby's birthday party with his bros
Genting trip...

Great-Grand-father & baby

Great-Grand-mother & Baby

They back to Germany...

Friday night again, hubby plan to go Social House Thai disco and try out it but it was e poorer club we even went lo... Nobody wan, it looks like ghost town club after we had finished our bottle we went over to lunar... That’s e place we enjoy man, e place I feel like home can chit chat with all my Ex coll and Dollin was there too as she had a night stop in Singapore...

Saturday as usual we went back to my mum’s place for dinner but wasn’t my mum whom cook is my bro’s gf, she cooked clay pot rice for us. And after dinner, hubby & I went to visit Bernard and his baby we were at his house till 3am then go home. E next day I had a stomach flu and runs toilet e whole day, body was weak and sleep e whole day at and I suppose need to attend Benson’s baby shower but I didn’t went… Didn’t have a chance to see his baby, feel so pai sae.
Yesterday was a gloomy day for me as e gals went back to Germany, it was a last min thingy coz they couldn’t get tickets back suddenly Les check got people cancel tickets and within 5hours they need to get ready and go to e airport. Sis Kim was busy packing stuff and I look after e gal’s coz I know it would be e last time I shower and feed already as Desiree is going to start school in Aug in Germany and they won’t be back soon. Around 9pm we went to e airport together with Les’s sister and they are about to check in Beverly refuse to go, she keeps putting my clothes and hug me tight with her and ask her mummy to go away and she keep saying Mimi, Mimi go Germany... And then my tears fall coz I felt so touch, it 6mths we live together, sleep, eat, shower & play together. Beginning when they move in, I feel so helpless coz they always mess up my room and jumping around on my bed. I couldn’t scold them coz they are not my kids but after awhile when they stay longer, they will listen to me and behave themselves. Esp. e time when my sister in law in hosp I need to sleep with them and take care of them all day long, we start to get more and closer esp. Beverly. She really treated me like her Mimi, she want me to bath or feed even sometime she refuse to stay with her own mother. Sometime thing really funny, they are not my kids but I love them like my own. Don’t why now I feel so boring went I come back home, e house so quiet & empty coz my mother in law kept their entire thing away. Miss their voice, miss them calling me Mimi and miss their smell. Today I had meet up with Ah cat, my childhood best friend we went to compass point for coffee together with her daughter Regina… She was so small size and cute it makes me think of Beverly. Can’t help to stop thinking or missing them…

Tarot Card...

Wednesday morning, Sherina & I went to see a tarot card lady as we heard that this lady was well-known and price was reasonable. It take us months to Q for her appointment also, when we got there at 11am Sherina was e 1st one to saw her and they started chatting. I found that she is not really that good and when is my turn I felt that she is 50-50 of what she said to me… Maybe because I didn’t really want to open my heart for her coz I felt that she sound more like consultant then tarot card lady, she said in my whole life I don’t need to work and yet money will come into my hand, my marriage life will be twice and end up last is Harry with 2kids… I ask her if I could be a boss and open a shop, she said no lo, she said my life will be bored but I don’t need to be bothered. And I ask her will my hubby be very rich man, she said; yes, he will but when he is very rich he will have another woman outside and if I want a faithfulness husband then I must live normally. What a rubbish tot right??? Which woman won’t want their husband to have money & give them first-class life?? As for unfaithful part, is up to us if I can’t hold my hubby by my side I got no one to blame. And I believe that all men are e same want when they got money sure their backside will get abit itchy de lo, so I believe when my hubby became very rich is time for me to hold him tight beside me… Hahaha!!!

Wednesday was also my in laws 36th wedding anniversary, my father in law bought a Rolex (expensive gift le) for my mother in law and we went to airport T3 Lerkthai restaurant for our dinner, e food there wasn’t so good and service was very terrible as they seem like not enough staff to work like that… After dinner everyone complaint and say won’t try again liao, say next time must eat crystal jade.

Today Dollin is back in town and we might meet up for a drink tonight, hubby says maybe we are going to Thai disco so long never go Thai disco liao… Actually I prefer Thai disco then Chinese canto pop, Thai want more fun & gals more pretty… Hahaha

Janice's birthday lunch..

Yesterday Sherina, Janice & I went to bugis for lunch as is was Janice's birthday lunch @ NYDC.. And we bought her a diamond pendant from Meyson, is a letter J and she is very happy with it..
It been so long that e 3 of us meet up, is either i see Sherina or Janice and hardly got both of them free.. We had a great time together, eating & chatting like crazy gals outing and took lots of photos..

Tues, I meet up with Janice at parkway for lunch. We went to Sakae Sushi and Fish & co for drink and we realise that Fish & co got smoking area.. Now we found a new place to hang out liao, and then wed Hubby and I went to meet up with Dollin for a short dinner b4 she meet up with her contracted and she pass me, my bag that hubby ask her to bought for me.. Really happy that hubby bought a new bag for and i told him that not to waste money liao.. Cox i had 3new bags this year and i think is enough. Really thanks Dollin for helping me to carry this bag back and thanks hubby for loving me..

Update update for March

Guess is time for me to update and update my blog, after seem my sister in law and e kids move in to our place I really got no time to on my laptop as they are always inside my room playing and jumping around. Let me recall what had happen in March after CNY, 1st week was busy looking after children as my sister in law been going out coz she need to pack her house for e mover and goes to e lawyer to settle her house thing and then follow by my 1st time clubbing with her @ lunar YUE.. She was quite a good drinker as she was e only one that not even high or drunk, hubby, Chris & John was all drunk and Sherina was high but yet she still can continue round 2 with Kamal’s friends. Then next was my 3g iphone – say good bye coz it always hanged and keep giving me problem that I can’t even login facebook, so hubby bought me a new 3gs and I can start using facebook again and post comment - Thanks hubby.
And also i meet up with Sherina to go Jeana's place to nails and do body massage @ far east, e massage service damn lousy lo so pls don't try e thai massage at level2.. I really miss BKK massage!!!

And one of e weekday when my SIL not going out, hubby and I went to Vivo city to meet Wei Liang & Kelyn for dinner and movie. We had our dinner at Modesto’s; their pasta wasn’t so good but their pizza was excellent and we went to watch Green Zone this movie is talking about US army quite a nice show too. And hubby say that my father in law sure will like it de so when this movie in DVD, he is going to buy him one. And next was planning for Erina’s birthday party, I had decided to held e party @ Exlporerkid at downtown but wasn’t a very big want coz is too costly and I have to start ordering cake and buy deco for her party, this party is quite vital to her coz this is e 1st time I made party for her together with hubby and my friends coz e past years was only family outing and school party this year is something dissimilar. And I been feeling downhill coz hubby don’t allow me to invite my SIL & her kids coz he say Erina and me is a family not with them, this words make me feel damn upset and I had been figure why hubby would say this kind of words to hurt me and if he loves me, he should accept Erina too but he didn’t and my SIL also say that her brother is not prepared to become a step-father. This make me feel even worse, grumpy for so long and hesitation in my marriage too but when e day come I was very shock that hubby allow Erina’s dad to attend and he was a good host on that day, he never give me black face and nag on me really thank hubby so much for being so thoughtful.. And I really be grateful for those who had attended her party and make her feel so happy for all e present & most important is my MIL & SIL also gave Erina hong bao it makes me feel very happy and I tears at least I knew that what I had done is cherished.

And I almost forgot to updated e most important thing, my SIL admitted to hospital due to virus and she be in hospital almost a week then discharge and I have to stay at home for a week just to look after e gals. I bathe them, play with them, make them sleep and feed them milk suddenly e feeling is just like 7years ago... Must wake up in e midnight to feed them milk, e feeling is damn shag wan and morning I still have to do house work coz my MIL, FIL & hubby are all sick too but finally everything is over and luckily my SIL recover and her hubby also back in town to acc her and I guess her hubby came back is e most great thing wanted when she is sick.. And she went to bought me a BEBE top for thanking me looking after her kids… She is so sweet, thanks and that’s all for my march 2010.. bye bye