Emo Friday

This afternoon I was quite emo as I was viewing my folder and I found pic that took with ah Ma during CNY, suddenly I realize that next year CNY won't have her around us and no more nagging. Don't know after ah Ma left, my mood always went up & down. And I know Hubby is trying very hard to please me & make me feel comfortable. Just like yesterday we went TM to shop for dress & shoes for his company PMAS dinner, I don't know what I want and I keep walking around till I very Pek cek. Hubby knew that I can't wear heels & I'm sad over it so he bought me a new pair of flat shoes from Pazzion just for this dinner. Reali grateful to have him around me.
And e dinner tonite is a casino theme, so we both wore black & just nice e hotel we went tonite is e hotel we view on thurs for our wedding dinner next year. So everything is just very nice we go and look at e ballroom & food tasting too. After e dinner hubby, Ronson & Gavin acc me go Bar None meet Sherina as we wanted to see Aila perform. After party we went 201 supper, I know hubby trying to acc me for outing so that I won't think so much at home. But now again I can't sleep, I reali don't know when I can fully recover with this. I miss u & I know nothing can change, what had happen already happen.. I'm trying & trying!!

Alvin going to UK

I had juz send my bro Alvin to airport as he is going to uk to meet his gf, I'm happy for him that he grew up & want to see outside world but yet I'm worry too as uk side is actuli quite messy place. I told him not to party at nite coz i'm scare that he might course trouble.
Today Hubby brought me to TM for dinner and a walk, lately Hubby keep saying that I'm EMO coz of ah Ma. And I know he is trying hard to pls me & make me happy, he even brought me for movie on a Sunday night which he normally don't do it coz Monday he got to work.I reali do thank him for his acc, he is nice but my heart juz can't stop thinking of ah Ma. Everything is too sudden, I always recall her last look before she die. I reali do apprecaite those who had attend or care for my ah Ma's wake & thanks for respecting her. She is someone important to me coz my dad is gone and now i left with nothing now. I hope that cousin would keep in touch with me even ah Ma is not around.
Now my only wish is to settle my wedding dinner as I had to postpone my date & got a hotel I wan, I wan all my aunties & uncles to give me blessing. And I believe ah Ma will do so too..

19/11/2010

This few months lots of thing had happen in my life, 1st is I had a slip disc op which I really cannot accept it coz I’m going to be 15% handicap in my life which means I cannot do a few things. Like wakeboarding, jogging, carry heavy stuff and do housework. This op makes my life so different now, something I really cannot take it and I felt so depress and I hate that my life going to be like this. Hubby keep saying that I have depression and brought me to see doc. Doc say that I’m too stressful of my recovering. Thinking of having a baby in future will give my back problem, I felt so sad and I’m always having pain don’t when all this will go away.
2nd is ah ma, she had left us and went to a peaceful place. Places were she doesn’t have pain & sadness. Don’t why ah ma away is like so hard for me to accept, maybe everyone tot that she will come back home after her op but no one expect that thing would turn out so sour. Till now I still felt that is e doc faults and I felt that CGH is really a very super lousy place, lousy doc. Ah ma is our leader in e house, whenever I need to pray my dad she will always remind me this and that. Now I have to plan everything on my own. Everything is like so sudden, why doc says ah ma will be fine after ballooning? Why ah ma leave us? Does she know what happen to her? Before her op, we still lie to her that she will be fine and ah ma still blur blur go SGH do op then like that. Haiz!! Super sian! When I saw ah ma lying inside e coffin my heart break, I use to acc her for doc check up & when I’m not working I always go 503 visit her & acc her chit chat. She always says that I talk like siao wan, she even call me siao peng. Why! Why! Why! Why so sudden!!!!
Today is ah ma birthday, I had never celebrate for her before and now she is gone. I really miss her & I have so much to share my wedding plan with her.

Another nite....

Another night that I couldn't close my eyes and sleep, whenever I'm trying to sleep your face come to my mind. I always remember e last look of your face before I had e chance to say good bye. I told you that i will bring you home & I promise I will buy you food once you are out of icu but everything failed. Our dream failed & you never come home. Why would this happen to our family? 1st is 6th aunt then now is you, why all of you leave us so sudden without saying a good bye? Do you know we all miss you?where did you go? It's a mistake for us to ask you go for e op? It's e doctor faults? Ah Ma why you leave us so sudden? What are you trying to say that day? Everyone of us is trying to figure.. We sorry that we lie to you that you will be fine after this op. I reali hope that now you are with 6th aunt happily together with no pain & no ill. We miss u!