19/11/2010

This few months lots of thing had happen in my life, 1st is I had a slip disc op which I really cannot accept it coz I’m going to be 15% handicap in my life which means I cannot do a few things. Like wakeboarding, jogging, carry heavy stuff and do housework. This op makes my life so different now, something I really cannot take it and I felt so depress and I hate that my life going to be like this. Hubby keep saying that I have depression and brought me to see doc. Doc say that I’m too stressful of my recovering. Thinking of having a baby in future will give my back problem, I felt so sad and I’m always having pain don’t when all this will go away.
2nd is ah ma, she had left us and went to a peaceful place. Places were she doesn’t have pain & sadness. Don’t why ah ma away is like so hard for me to accept, maybe everyone tot that she will come back home after her op but no one expect that thing would turn out so sour. Till now I still felt that is e doc faults and I felt that CGH is really a very super lousy place, lousy doc. Ah ma is our leader in e house, whenever I need to pray my dad she will always remind me this and that. Now I have to plan everything on my own. Everything is like so sudden, why doc says ah ma will be fine after ballooning? Why ah ma leave us? Does she know what happen to her? Before her op, we still lie to her that she will be fine and ah ma still blur blur go SGH do op then like that. Haiz!! Super sian! When I saw ah ma lying inside e coffin my heart break, I use to acc her for doc check up & when I’m not working I always go 503 visit her & acc her chit chat. She always says that I talk like siao wan, she even call me siao peng. Why! Why! Why! Why so sudden!!!!
Today is ah ma birthday, I had never celebrate for her before and now she is gone. I really miss her & I have so much to share my wedding plan with her.